Giant Trumps! Some time ago, I wrote this rhyming children's story to present to my publisher. It hasn't been taken up yet, but now I think Giant Trumps has echoes of another Trump, who might be equally destructive!
© Nick Ward
Giant Trumps should have known better,
Than to eat so many beans,
If he’d stuck to plain bread and butter,
He wouldn’t have caused such a scene.
But he ate a whole barrel of beans,
And his tummy began to complain,
Then, all of a sudden he let go such a parp,
He created a small hurricane.
Kaboom! went his bottom, Boof! went his pants,
And a terrible wind did roar,
‘Pardon me,’ said the giant, blushing quite pink,
As the parp blew down his front door!
The powerful parp raced over the fields,
Toppling cattle and rooting up trees,
It lifted the roofs off houses and churches,
And brought strong men to their knees.
Pigs flew through the air, dogs soared in the sky,
On the giant’s tremendous trump,
But, as soon as the wind had passed on by,
They fell back to earth with a bump!
When the parp arrived at the seaside,
People were whooshed out over the waves,
Ships were tossed about on the briny;
Nervous sharks hid in undersea caves.
The giant’s parp roared on to the arctic,
Where it blew away all of the snow,
Polar bears had to take up sunbathing,
And the yeti had nowhere to go.
Desert camels got lost in a sandstorm,
Whole jungles were knocked down flat,
(‘Crumbs!’ said a gorilla holding his nose,
‘I wonder who-on-earth would do that!’)
Giant Trump’s parp travelled right round the world,
Until it ended up where it had started,
‘Phoar!’ said the giant. ‘Someone has parped –
I think it’s time I departed!’